And here’s the October post…

Though I’m guessing that after next weekend there may be another…(and MI State *cough cough*)

So in the news this week:  My neighbor got engaged, my roommate turned 19 (and is at home, the loser jkjk) and I cannot decide who to vote for!

The past month has been pretty good.  Way too much homework combined with not enough motivation is a BAD mix, as Anna (my roommate) and I are discovering.  Also, we are too much alike for our own good…

I found out today that one of my best friends in the world is applying to Hope!! How awesome is that?

This is not a very long post, but I’ve got to take advantage of this time when I’m not dizzy to do homework…maybe more later?

<3s

upon yet another miss, I think…

… There ought to be more straight men.

Three in the A.M.

…and I’m still not done with homework.

I think it’s safe to say that I am going to be screwed for classes this year.  So far, I’ve been up until past 5:30am twice, and I don’t think that I’ll be going to bed at any point in the near future here.  Why do I do this you ask?  I have no idea.

I do get to have a different Spanish teacher tomorrow.  Maybe that will make my day slightly better…

missing someone

… is waking up in the morning feeling like a part of you remains on the pillow.

… is being unable to watch a movie or read a book or people-watch without thinking of what you’re missing

…is feeling lost and confused when you’re walking down the street.

…is feeling lost and confused, period.

…is feeling perpetually bittersweet, even when you’re as close to happy as happy can get in your situation.

…is being slightly removed, never totally immersed in a situation.

…is laughing when you don’t feel like it.

…is anger, and disbelief, and humiliation, and yet understanding, all at once

…is staring into a burning candle until you can’t look away

…is when your ceiling appears blank even when you’ve plastered posters all over it

…is everything blurring together.

…is everything being amplified: colors, sounds, everything seems sharper somehow (just before it blurs together)

…is just floating through it all.

…is agitation.

…is mournful orchestration.

…is worse at night, when all there is to do is stare into the darkness and think.

…is a strange sort of peace in which nothing feels right and yet somehow everything falls into place.

…is becoming addicted to your own feeling of melancholy – you bask in what you feel sets you apart.

…and none of this is good, but somehow it’s started to feel natural to the point I don’t really think about it as odd anymore.

Six and Counting

Announcing: the monthly post by Lydia (as promised)

I was considering waiting until school had started to write this, but then I remembered that I will be taking two lab classes, a language, an english class, and a seminar class next semester.  It’s all about cushion.

In anticipation of the start of school, there are so many things that have to be squared away, most of which I should be doing right now.  One of the more difficult things is goodbyes.  I am afraid that I will not be able to say it to all that I should, so I’ll say it here.

You all are amazing (you know who you are).  I’m sorry if I don’t call you this week.  In my absent-minded state, I will no doubt procrastinate on things like good-byes, putting them off until the only thing I can do is send an electronic message.  I’ll try not to do this this week, but as I’ve said before, I never dreamed that I would meet such wonderful people or make as many dear friends as I did in Pullman, Washington.  Thank you.

Well, I feel like I should also say something about the weekend camping excursion that I went on with several of my friends.  What an adventure!  I’ve never been camping without “adults” before, and this was a lot of fun.  Good for me too, in the sense that I didn’t have anything to do with the organization part of it.  Hate to say it, but I am a bit of a control freak, and I didn’t worry at all about any of the arrangements-big step for me.  Katherine suggested that we make camping a yearly thing-I agree!

Soon to come:  Lydia’s first experiences at Hope College

the part in my hair woke up on the wrong side of the bed today

Welcome to the slightly more melodramatic side of Lydia.

Last night I had a long talk with my parents about college and how we’re going to pay for it.  I believe that I can truthfully say that only two other “discussions” that the three of us had went worse.

The problem is this:  they still see me as a child.  What a huge disappointment.  Technically I am their “child” but I don’t feel that they’ve been my “parents” for quite some time.  I see them more as people I live with, who love me and that I love but generally just cause me frustration and anxiety.

While contemplating college and the exciting experience to come, one cannot forget the fact that one will be living without one’s parents: no rules, no useless chores, no more chaos.  My mom is afraid that I won’t be able to see the colors in life, that I won’t be able to make it on my own or that I will fail.  She is the one who fails to accept and see the person I’ve become, the person that is constantly changing and becoming more.  I look forward to no longer carrying her.  I don’t feel uncomfortable in my skin, just in my house.  I still don’t see this as “home” (I mean, I live in the basement for crying out loud).  I see nothing but the future right now, and for some reason that scares her.  I guess I just don’t understand why she can’t accept me, or even see who I am now.

Though the phrase “Give me liberty, or give me death” is rather cliche and altogether too strong for this situation, I do feel that if things stay this way I won’t be able to become the person I want to be.  Is that not a death in a way?  Perhaps I am looking into the future too much.  After all every day is a gift

hair, and grandmothers

Light news first. My hair is cut again, from a longish, thick, growing out and unruly pixie-ish, into a shorter, potentially sleeker, more managable boyish crop. I can’t decide whether it turns me into a boy or not. I have to be careful, I think. This hair cutting addiction may turn into a serious problem for me. Adrogynous-hair-aholics Anonymous, anyone?

A picture:

On the less superficial side of things… my grandmother may have had a stroke, and get this… she was in the coming out of surgery that was supposed to PREVENT the occurrence of a stroke. I’m not really close to my grandmother, since I’ve always lived states and states away from her, but I do love her and am a little uncertain as to what this is going to mean. And my mom is having a really hard time, obviously. I don’t think she wants to go off to Spain while her mom is in possibly even more critical condition than she was leading up to the surgery (which took place because she had a blood clot in her eye which was a potential trigger for a stroke, or something to that effect.) So I don’t really know what to do. Trying to comfort my mother always feels weird because it’s backward, and also because she’s so pathetic when she’s upset…

I’m just worried because apparently this runs in the family. I don’t want my mom to have a stroke when she’s old (older, she already is old) and I don’t want one either. Ugh. I really do want to die before I’m old.

I just want to get out of this house and forget about it all, but I feel like I should stay for my mom’s sake.

xoxo *gags*

Siri

Salutations

Hello! Greetings! Bonjour! Good day! Hola! etc.

Lydia suggest we explain ourselves, so here goes:

We decided that since Lydia is going all the way to Michigan to go to college or something weird like that, we

should start a blog to keep in touch and to share the inner workings of our crazy minds with the internet

(teh interwebz!). I myself have a long history of failed websites and blogs, but maybe this time I’ll get it

right.

Since Lydia keeps laughing at the things I’m writing, I’m going to turn this post over to her so I can make fun of what she writes.

Uhhhhh.

Very nice. That was Lydia speaking. I don’t think I should ever let her post again.

Ok, well I guess I should explain MYSELF (this is Lydia).  Siri is already making fun of me.

I’m quite exhausted at the moment, having just arrived home yesterday from a week of hiking in Glacier National Park.  Siri was also away counseling at a camp last week, and claims to be extremely fatigued too.  Perhaps this is the reason for our “blogger’s block”.

I think it’s just because we have no idea WHAT we are going to write about, or if this blog has a real purpose/direction/main subject matter.

We have decided to take turns posting whenever we feel like it, at least once a month.  With luck though we will have many more than that.

I just know that I’m going to use this blog as an excuse for procrastination when I’m working on my college apps and other massive amounts of pointless homework (I’m going to be a senior in high school and can’t wait to be done.) So you might end up with a string of posts from me every so often with nothing from Lydia.

Lies!  I will definitely be posting on here at least monthly: I am just not going to commit to more than that since many people have told me that my class schedule is “challenging”.  If my suspicions are correct, you will receive some slightly harassed sounding posts, written, no doubt, when I’ve been avoiding “American Presidency” homework.

Fair enough. You’ll probably be reading a lot of ranting from me at times, about everything and nothing… but until then, we’ll say goodbye. Maybe next time we’ll be slightly more coherent.

(Extremely epic closings/signatures to come)