the part in my hair woke up on the wrong side of the bed today

Welcome to the slightly more melodramatic side of Lydia.

Last night I had a long talk with my parents about college and how we’re going to pay for it.  I believe that I can truthfully say that only two other “discussions” that the three of us had went worse.

The problem is this:  they still see me as a child.  What a huge disappointment.  Technically I am their “child” but I don’t feel that they’ve been my “parents” for quite some time.  I see them more as people I live with, who love me and that I love but generally just cause me frustration and anxiety.

While contemplating college and the exciting experience to come, one cannot forget the fact that one will be living without one’s parents: no rules, no useless chores, no more chaos.  My mom is afraid that I won’t be able to see the colors in life, that I won’t be able to make it on my own or that I will fail.  She is the one who fails to accept and see the person I’ve become, the person that is constantly changing and becoming more.  I look forward to no longer carrying her.  I don’t feel uncomfortable in my skin, just in my house.  I still don’t see this as “home” (I mean, I live in the basement for crying out loud).  I see nothing but the future right now, and for some reason that scares her.  I guess I just don’t understand why she can’t accept me, or even see who I am now.

Though the phrase “Give me liberty, or give me death” is rather cliche and altogether too strong for this situation, I do feel that if things stay this way I won’t be able to become the person I want to be.  Is that not a death in a way?  Perhaps I am looking into the future too much.  After all every day is a gift

~ by Lúthien Tinúviel on July 23, 2008.